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  • Writer's pictureMary Anne Fowler


Updated: Dec 12, 2020

I remember a game show from many years ago called "Let's Make A Deal!"; The host, Monty Hall, would find a boisterous audience member in some crazy costume and immediately offer $500 if they could produce a random item from their pocket or purse. He would ask for things like a blue crayon or a bottle cap or a bar of soap. Always the most unlikely item. And no matter how many other items the contestant offered, Monty was only interested in what he was looking for. If they had the item, they had the item. And if not, no amount of money could produce what Monty desired. Nothing he offered could make the item he wanted magically appear.

Through many years of counseling clients, and my own personal life, I've come to realize that we sometimes engage in the same behaviors. Let's pretend the item we are seeking is a hard-boiled egg. All too often we are determined to get that egg, no matter the cost. We may choose to be charming. Or maybe we use anger. Perhaps we inflict guilt. Or maybe we engage in subtle manipulation. We may even break down and cry. Or maybe we just give everything we've got. Whatever measures we choose, we find ourselves pulling out all the stops and doing whatever we can to secure the hard-boiled egg. But just as with the game show contestant, sometimes there is no hard-boiled egg to be had. And when we finally realize that our attempts to secure the hard-boiled egg are futile no matter the method we employ, we painfully turn inward and begin to question ourselves.

Our litany of questions creates inner turmoil and undermines our deepest sense of self. What's wrong with me that I can't get the hard-boiled egg? Am I not good enough? Do I not deserve it? Must I be more worthy for the hard-boiled egg to be mine? How can I reinvent myself so that I can have it? Never ending questions that keep us trapped in a spiral of self doubt and depreciation. And the longer we fight for the hard-boiled egg, the greater we are at risk of losing our identity and that which makes us who we are.

We are all a masterpiece, woven together in the most intricate fashion to assure that there is no duplicate and that there never will be. One of a kind! We are created as Love to be Love and to give Love. And yet all too often, we don't see ourselves as a masterpiece and we struggle to comprehend our loving nature -- to lavish it upon ourselves and others. And the void that results becomes the pit of self rejection, self betrayal, and sometimes even self loathing.

So, what is the hard-boiled egg? It is Love! And how often do we go in search of it from people that don't possess it, like Monty Hall on a scavenger hunt for the blue crayon? They may have countless other shiny, attractive, useful items, but deep down we know that some people don't have the Love. They cannot give us a hard-boiled egg no matter what we offer. But how often do we betray ourselves and offer everything in the hope that we can change them? Years go by, and we still have no egg even though we desperately sought it. When do we realize that if they don't have it, they can't give it? And how do we finally acknowledge that their inability to give us an egg has absolutely nothing to do with something lacking in us, but rather what is lacking in them?

Take a moment to consider your life now and honestly assess if you are seeking hard-boiled eggs from someone who doesn't have them to give. Have you sacrificed in an unhealthy way? Are you denying your own beauty and value in an attempt to secure a hard-boiled egg? Do you internalize the absence of an egg as something lacking in you? And what would happen if you lovingly ended your quest for what you cannot have? How would it heal your life to lovingly release that person without the egg to their own self-discovery journey while you moved forward in yours?

Make a deal with yourself today. Look within when you are in need of a hard-boiled egg. Find ways to affirm yourself as the masterpiece that you are and to fully awaken to your intrinsic value! Lovingly let go of those who cannot give you an egg. Release yourself from the dysfunctional scavenger hunt that has kept you in search of hard-boiled eggs, and forgive yourself for any self harm that it may have caused. As you do this and come into the fullness of self love, pathways will naturally unfold that lead you to healthy and reciprocal relationships. In these relationships there is an abundance of hard-boiled eggs that are unconditionally given and shared! This is the nature of true Love -- for self and for others!

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